Waking up to Nightmares

Is it the things you are forced to go through in life that makes you different
Does it open your eyes to lifes true value

And if so what happens to the people considered to be lucky

That never have to experience pain or suffering

Because looking deep into his eyes I hear a story

A person who has only so much left to love

But still keeps loving

Or a women who was never amiable

And cashes in her sour taste for something bitter sweet

Or the girl who wishes for something better

Because she sees nothing in what she has

I am calling out for help
I am reaching for a guide to say they understand
And tell me a story of bad dreams that turn out to be good

Because the only thing that seperates me and sanity is myself

The twisted picture I have in my head tells me what I know to be true

And it hears nothing else

But lies,

Lies that make my shadow crouch on cold basement floors

And leave scars to remind myself of who I am

And what I want to be

Act 1 Seen Nothing

It became serious when everyone started not to care anymore

Because as long as they did the more I felt I was trying to keep it up

So although I was helping myself it had a lot to do with the fact that everyone held on so tightly

Shallow, I guess you can say, yes--

But it felt good, for the first time to be noticed

Then slowly everyone started to clear the stage

It wasn't intermission, it was the end

And the beginning of my downfall

It stripped me of my newborn identity

Something I had longed for my entire life

To be someone

To have something everyone wanted

I hadn't comprehended it, but I was setting myself up for something rather uncontrollable

And just when I was on top of the world

I realized It might have only been a map

That the applause died down

And I was standing in front of a closed curtain

So from now on I'm going to start something knowing I wan't it

And if a few good words slip in along the way, well, I can't help it..

Drawing a General Blank

Im sure people will get it one day

They'll understand why I choose to be the way I am

And maybe all the faces will make more sense this time around

Im suppost to shut my mouth as if I don't have a say

Well keep your comments to yourself

And I'll enjoy myself next time

Because I'm never going to let myself fall again

Your indecisive and I'm not about to sit

Wait around until you're happy with the way things are

Maybe everyone else will

They'll stick by your side no matter what

Because you've gotten them all to think your some kind of brother

And I'm sure they feel all warm inside, but I have no plans on moving in this direction

Any longer

And from this point on I would rather be standing still in time

Then have to face another day playing a game of house

But I won't let you have the satisfaction of keeping everything away from me

So if it meant I'd have to dress up a hopeless day

I will

Because the only reason I continue to move on this way

Is because it's too painful to watch them stay

And too hard to let it all slip away

Just for a While

Someday I hope we can all look back

And be reminded of how we might have never realized it

But we got what we always wanted

So I'm not afraid anymore

I know now that no matter how much I try

I can't hault the inevitable

And the funny thing is I really thought I was capable of doing it

I just never comprehended that I was never in the drivers seat

Even though in my heart and mind I felt so

So I learned to smile more these days

Because to be honest it's gotten everyone fooled

And for the first time it feels good to take a back seat

And I find it more thrilling to see things looking in

Rather than being rapped in it

And I laugh now

Not only because they have no idea

But just because their thoughts are so predictable

Their movements too thought out

The truth is -

We are all possibly living a great amount of lives

Though only making it through one

And capable of experiencing it all

But only if you're able to let yourself put the breaks on

And let someone else take the wheel

..just for a while

RailRoads

I can't believe that today I'm the same person who 5 months ago that said "No" and sadly now I'm giving in
Anyone going through the same thing can understand that the worst part is the way you feel after
And too bad you don't have a time machine to go back and think things out first
I call it a lack of judgement
And in this case it happens quite often
From the time you wake till the time your head hits the pillow
You're in a constant battle with yourself
And as the day proceeds things most often tend to go down hill
But so fast you make so many wrong moves because your flustered
We're not the type to think on our feet
Which in these circumstances can be a very bad thing
WE are also faced with the constant struggle
Of knowing in the back of our minds how long it took us to get here
And how quickly we could be left alone again
Felling empty and full of regret
But what we all have to remind ourselves of
Is that in many cases and in many problems we come across
We're are usually our worst enemies
And to blame for the way things turn out
But the beauty of it all is that
We can also be our own saviors
And rise to see a new day
Filled with the tings we've been yearning for so long

2.80

Will we ever know

Will we wake up that morning and feel it in our steps

Or when we walk outside to get the morning paper-will we stop

For no apparent reason

And notice something that was there all along

Because when that day comes, I want to know

And maybe I'm being silly, but when you think about it -why wouldn't you?

I would want to make that last hug long and thoughtful

And look deep into their eyes

Call from work and leave a message

Because I know it's what I would want

And even though I couldn't stop it

I'm sorry you erased his voice from the answering machine

I'm sorry the last thing you'll remember him saying was "Don't wait for me"

I'm sorry you didn't get to say goodbye

But most of all I'm sorry you feel nothing

Because the hardest thing is I bet you wish he knew

So he could have felt it in every step he took and stopped outside and noticed the thing that was there all along

Give his family a meaningful hug, look and embed their faces in his mind

But when it comes to that very last second eveyone knows

Because he stopped where there was no red sign

But there was

A sign only he could see

Telling him he had reached an end

And he drove on because he knew he couldn't do a thing about it

Life is written..

Mirror mirror

I'm done
Done with always feeling like I'm responsible for every little thing that goes wrong
And it's sad that it took me this long to realize
That I can't make everyone happy
Because as selfish as it may sound I'm the only one that I'll have to spend my entire life with
Because when your gone I'll still be here
Cleaning up what you left behind
And with all these pieces I don't know where to begin and end
I won't sit here any longer pittying you
For the things ou didn't have
And I'll take back every little thing you've deprived me of
And I'll be happier
When I can sleep at night knowing I wn't end up like you
Because I've watched you grow old and miserable
And then one day you woke up wanting to chnge thing
When it was all too late
So in another life when we can all meet again
I just want to let you know that I forgive you
Because if i hold all this resentment towards you
I'll push away everything that matters
So be it..I'll forgive everyone and we'll start a clean page
But just promise me you'll visit and you won't stay out to late
And when you take me into your arms again promise to never forget
Because as long as you don't it will never happen again
We'll leave the right ones behind this time
Because everyone deserves to be happy
And even you deserve to get a second chance
So when they ask you to take sides
And you feel pressured and naive
Walk over to the kind faces and remember you're doing the right thing
What you should have done a whole lifetime ago
And when we pass by them
Well this time we'll stop and share a warmth we've never known