Room 13

Today the reality of my recent decisions slapped me hard in the face

And left a mark I can't forget

Or regret

'What am I doing?'

I couldn't stop asking myself

Lately I find myself escaping life's demise by sleeping

Dreaming allows me to watch myself live without waking up and asking myself

What am I doing?

In my dreams I can do anything, I can be anyone

I can make mistakes and I'll wake up and never have to carry around regrets

Like the heavy weights that drag my body down

That make me feel powerless, hopeless, and even helpless

But today I had the last laugh

As you're usually stern voice began to break

And you didn't believe yourself either anymore

I find it funny when a person thinks they are ahead of the game, but all along you're waiting at the top to kick them down

Your day will come

And no, "They both aren't 58"

Temporary

I realized today I never loved you

And it made me cry because I thought I'd be better at this

At being in love, at taking a chance, at making things work

I feel foolish for believing being alone was worse than staying with someone who treated me like shit

My regrets will eat me up inside

They will tear, and pull, and break

And the tears will help them heal

And some day I will feel better about things

I will notice how far I've come

That mistakes had to happen in order for me to learn from them

Sometimes I find it easier to plant my feet in one spot and wish the bad away

This is what I've done for the past 7 months

And all its done is make me feel hopeless

I've never felt more alive than when my heart is breaking

The only thing to do from here is throw away what can no longer be fixed

Because if you hang around trash, you start to stink