Only the good die young

Not too long ago I remember I used to be a selfish child

I put myself before others and I was very aware of it too

But I figured it was just my nature and that I couldn't change

Well I did and sometimes I wish I hadn't

Because I don't think a person really realizes the extent of their selflessness unless, that is, they were once themselves a selfish human being

I changed, but maybe not for the better

I wonder sometimes what it is like to be strong

What it feels like to stand up for yourself, to never let a person walk all over you and still take them back

To still care even though they hurt you

All I know is the feeling of being weak

And having only myself to blame for cause and effect

What happens to the person that pushes so hard for others and leaves themself behind

Or the person who opens their heart only to feel betrayed, left with nothing, and broken

I wished to be a good person in God's eyes only to fall short

Because I was good, but what brought me down was that I was too good and cared too much

That thin divider, that tiny threshold

Invisible to the naked eye and the good heart


Lesson #243

I've learned to live my life by the simple rule that "Everything happens for a reason"

Whether a situation be good or bad, I know the outcome will be favorable

Because God will never give a person something they can't handle

Although it may seem this way, it is far from the truth

God treats all people the same and doesn't favor the rich man over the poor man

I remember a time when I felt it was too hard to love God

I had thought he failed me

Left me for dead

But when I needed Him most, He was there

He took from me all the negative thoughts and replaced them with good blessings

Always remember you are never alone

God stands beside you when no one is there

And if you allow yourself to live life knowing that where you are right now is where you are supposed to be, then you too can find God

He is amongst all of us

Sinners, saints, and all in-between

At A Crossroads

When you think about it happiness is actually not happy at all
Most people are happy for reasons too shameful to share
They are happy because they are making a lot of money or
Happy because they bought a new car
Happiness is one of the most, in my opinion, complex feelings in life
And that is exactly what makes happiness not such a happy thing at all
Money get's spent, cars break down and you have to buy a new one
And if it's love that makes you happy
Well, love dies too
Love gets old, love sometimes leaves when you need it most, and love
Like any other happy thing
Is never simple
I'm sure in everyone's life there has been moments where you were so happy it made you feel on top of the world
Nothing could measure up and nothing could break that
But like all other feelings, the happiness was gone without warning
So how could happiness be a good thing when it never stays?
And why should people attach themselves to that happiness if it will only go away?
Happiness is like a bad relationship, it's an on-again off-again kind of thing


How to be Alone

Looking outside, I noticed beyond the cold breeze that today is a beautiful day

I realized how many days like this have gone overlooked

How much I took them for granted and what was actually holding me back from seeing them was myself

Today the only worry I have is what I want to make of this beautiful day

And my reservations about tomorrow have been washed away by time and thinking

I finally feel like myself again

I finally am free and ready to move forward without looking back

I am alone and I am happy

G. one

I love him for so many reasons

Each of them wrong and unspoken

Each of them almost immoral

And it's not the fact that I can't chang things, it's that I won't

Or better yet, am not willing to

Maybe because of fear that maybe I will feel more lonely if I were actually alone

If I didn't have someone who told me they loved me even though they didn't have to

Maybe because so much has been said and done

And it feels too hard to have to start all over again with someone else

Or maybe because I would still think about him everyday

And subconsciously compare everyone to him

Because til now he is all that I've ever known

Loneliness is like a disease

It creeps up on you when you least expect it

And it never really goes away

But most of all

Loneliness, like any other disease, doesn't only effect you but everyone around you to

So the real reason why I can't, won't, and shouldn't leave is because I don't want anyone else to suffer watching me turn into someone they thought had left a while ago

Someone they thought could never come back

That someone is my disease

My disease will never go away


Room 13

Today the reality of my recent decisions slapped me hard in the face

And left a mark I can't forget

Or regret

'What am I doing?'

I couldn't stop asking myself

Lately I find myself escaping life's demise by sleeping

Dreaming allows me to watch myself live without waking up and asking myself

What am I doing?

In my dreams I can do anything, I can be anyone

I can make mistakes and I'll wake up and never have to carry around regrets

Like the heavy weights that drag my body down

That make me feel powerless, hopeless, and even helpless

But today I had the last laugh

As you're usually stern voice began to break

And you didn't believe yourself either anymore

I find it funny when a person thinks they are ahead of the game, but all along you're waiting at the top to kick them down

Your day will come

And no, "They both aren't 58"