Published May 30

As the sun hits my back on this late May afternoon,

I am thankful to still be here

And tomorrow it will be all the same

As I get to spend an entire day with my sister and unborn nephew

Today under the warmth of the sky, I felt someone reach over and touch my back

And as I looked up to see who it was

I was greeted by a warm smile from the clouds

One that I used to know all too well

And it reminded me of why I get to be here still

Why I should be greatful my time wasn't taken as soon as others

So for now I want to say to the person I know who was smiling at me from the clouds..

I still think about you everyday

And I can't remeber a time that I didn't think about you as I walked home from school
Or relaxed under the sun like today
And as I smiled back

The sun grew stronger on my face

And I felt beautiful..

Dreaming in the Court

I think she is real

Only not in the way that I want her to be

She is me

I am her

Her story is mine as well

But in a different light

And I never quite realized someone else in this world could feel how I feel

Maybe this isn't your story, but you heard about it

Or maybe you made it up and hadn't thought you were writing someone elses story

My Story

In my mind there is no difference between you or me

We came from the same place, sharing the same things

Only thing was I was living with a stranger

And when you left I din't feel anything

And as fast as you left you came back

I guess it was God's way of trying to tell us it wasn't your time yet

And I was glad

But soon you turned into a person whom I always hated in my dreams

The kind of person who left their past behind them

Almost like it didn't matter

Only it does

It matters to me

It matters to all of us

So I hope you two can be happy together without looking back on your past encounters

But soon enough you'll see your past demons will come running back to haunt you in your courtyard dreams

On a day off..

Things have gotten a whole lot better

Today I recognized how much I've changed

It's been a week

And the best one I've had in a really long time

I'm no longer worrying about what's coming next

For the first time- this change was good

It's almost amusing how much of myself I see in him

The way he talks about life and happiness

Is what I felt like I've been trying to say all along

I guess I had thought I found myself

And I was dissaponted and almost scared to accept what I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life

But I'm noticing now how wrong I was

So from today on, I'm taking a little time to reinvent myself

I know I'll begin to fall into old habbits, but these things happen

It's a part of the process

That I'm not to sure how long it could take

And it might take me forever and I'm ready for that

I'm ready for whatever

Because it's taken a huge struggle to get myself here again

And I'm not about to let it slip away again

I Need A Job

So this is for all those times you woke up feeling ugly

And you got dressed because you thought that maybe if you did you'd feel better than yesterday

Last week or even last month

But it didn't

The clothes you wear now only reflect the fact that change makes you realize what you had

And what you lost

Or how you might not realize it, but you're actually not alone

In fact- Almost the entire population is feeling it

When I feel like there's nothing else

Not anyone that could feel as bad as I do

And I keep thinking it will only get worse

I read her story and look at the photos

That might just look like a bunch of things that get in your way when your in a rush to be somewhere

But they mean so much more when you really think about it

And they make you feel that no matter how much

Or how little you have left

It's what you make of those simple moments

That defy your worst days

Or the times when you seem to not be anything you want

You're able to pull yourself out of it

And make some kind of revelation

So you can remind yourself that

This kind of stuff happens

To everyone, I promise you that

And guess what..we all make it out alright.

Look it Up

I bet you didn't see that coming

It caught you in your sorry

So maybe next time you'll think before you speak

I'm not so easily taken down

You won't raise yourself higher by pushing me under

I'm a breath of fresh air

And I am a new person

Realizing my own strength was enough to stop your heartless tongue

Calling you out on something was better than any revenge

And my silence made victory sweeter than any before

Because to me I couldn't care less if you were on my side

And I'd drag every person down with me

By my side to show you what your worth

Make no mistakes I won't be taken for a fool

I know how to twist my words in order to make the next

Well, even better than todays last look.

My Ripple Effect

In six days our prayers couldn't be answered, our voices could not be heard

As we look to God for forgiveness and for the truth

And for some time an entire community was focused on only one thing

Their hearts with one family

And in my dreams I wished for a better tomorrow

But maybe I should have made today count just as much

To make it better and hope that I'd always be around

And never have anything taken away from me so soon

Going home, I would look and applaud the fact that she didn't care what other people said or thought

That she was her own person

All that I needed

I couldn't stop staring

And I took in everything

Every tear she shed I felt with her

And every gasp for air I breathed as well

In the moment

Knowing I wouldn't see anything quite like it for what I hope would be a long time

So I circled 2 days

Two of which I would look back on

And in a time of selfish behavior realize what is important in life

Because now I truly understand what it means when people say 'it could be taken away from you so qickly'

I know we may have never shared a word

And you might have never looked in my direction

But I remeber you

And I'll always have a memory of you

Although it might only have lasted a minute or so

I remeber

And you taught me a very valuable lesson even though I never got to tell you

Because lately I find myself smiling at strangers

Hoping that whomever they are they will

See something that makes no sense

And think about it when they fall asleep

Get up -and do the same

Creating a ripple effect

Recovery

Sometimes I wish people would just say the things they felt

And maybe it would be easier to understand them

The things they do

And it's hard to comprehend why you say the things you do

Sit with a patient for a minute and tell them how you feel about the statistics of it

You'll come out a new person

Because for them- happiness is something that they have created

While it was too hard to find

And I want you to live a little and stop trying to find that answer for everything

Look into their eyes and listen to their words

Make something out of everything

And that's the key

The road to recovery is admitting something is wrong

And then become willing to fix it

But doing it for yourself, not for those around you

Look to the person next to you

Life, like one big round table

Both of them stand there

Each possessing something the other needs

And in a desperate attempt, they find comfort in the fact that nothing is ever as it seems

Perfection was a defect in the system

But the packages still kept rolling in

And one by one the world became a symbol of discontent

Talk to a person you don't know

And trust in them the fact that you are the same

Close your eyes and find it in yourself to let go

Be free. And Climb.